GUNTHROAT

I am sure whoever seeing this topic would be shocked at my interest towards university exams (which I used to hate like everyone else). But let me tell you an interesting factor. This is the first time since the commencement of my education (from LKG) that I have not taken a descriptive exam for such a long period. The last university exam that I wrote was in May. So I kind of miss them. It is like after regularly watching Amrish Puri kill hero’s father, rape heroines and do all the villainous stuff and then one day we don’t see him in movies. We feel a strange hollowness, though we are in a way missing a villain. Looking back I have a lot of funny memories about my villain, the university exams. All my memoirs of university exams would be incomplete, if I don’t mention about Lakshman with whom I always used to fall on four legs like a cat while taking the exams. I remember all those sleepless nights on phone with Lakshman and Hari, with occasional intervention of Vishal. Vishal was the topper in our batch. When we would slowly start the cumbersome process of mugging up, Vishal would call us and promptly inform us that he has completed his second revision and will be starting the third one soon. But the worst punishment will be the on the morning of exam, when he would come with a set of questions that may probably come on exams. To our astonishment all these questions would be exactly the ones we skipped on the day before while running through the portions, making us all hysteric minutes before the exam.
Then we would see the smart ones of our class coming up with innovative techniques to deal with the exam. Some of them would sit till the wee hours of morning writing chits in compressed formats and extremely tiny hand writing. In the morning they would run to the Photostat shops and take enough copies to serve the burgeoning student community who had lost hope in the institution of examinations. Then they would arm their body with these chits to combat the university papers. I should confess that I never had the guts to try out this adventurous exercise (though ethically I had no issues with practise). But at the mean time it would be improper to say I never cheated just because I didn’t use chits (though it is the primary armoury). My saving grace would be sitting just behind me in the examination hall. Benoy my messiah would promptly study (or mug up) everything before coming for the exam and we were adept in passing information during the examination process, thus making sure that I pass every exam
We used to stock Photostat copies of various textbooks before the week of exam. First we would prepare a timetable to mug up all the information in these papers. Then towards the eve of exam we would settle for studying just the previous year’s question papers. Thus heaps and heaps of copies of unknown textbooks would fill up our homes providing healthy appetite for those who feed on them. There is an interesting story about a young man who used to study with us. He had a dream like Ambani to create a lot of wealth from public money. He made a simple plan. Photostat price was 50ps per copy near our college. He collected bulk orders from students wanting copies and took them for 30ps a copy from a distant place. Thus he made 20ps per copy. The demand for Photostat copies was so very high that sometimes he made around Rs 1000 in one go. There was nothing new or wrong in this practise (he actually did what all businessmen do, though in a smaller scale). But what followed was beyond his wildest dreams.......
Everyone in the class got a mail from a person named james bond, the following was the contents of the mail…..

hi all
this is a story of how number magic worked in our own class e6a. We started our new semester s6 by payment of Rs 17/- for the communication lab photostat. The last page of the photostat indicates that there are 34 sides(not sheets) in the photostat sheet. So 50paise per sheet gives you a round figure of 17Rs. Generally this is the amount collected in zam zam, manus etc. but when taken as a bulk a small minute difference may have been wavered which is not of our concern. The photostat was not taken in and around college but was taken in cusat. There a page is supposed to cost 30paise(or lesser for bulk i dont know). The knowledge i have is its 30 paise. So a net profit of 20paise/page is obtained. 20paise is a meagre amount, what shall we do with it. We dont even find those coins today. Here the number magic starts. for 34 pages with 20paise/page the net profit from a person is 34*20 = 680 paise or 6.8Rs. Leave the .8 for petrol to cusat. Remaining 6Rs from you. That is not a big amount its a small one i do agre. but this 6.8 is from a person. So when it is collected from 45 students the net profit comes upto (45*6.8 = 306Rs). An amount of Rs306/- (i guezz airtel users 1 month recharge amount) easily unnoticed. This is the MAGIC OF NUMBERS. So if you want to earn money you have the easiest way in front of you. Just take the photostat for the whole class and you have it write away.

And by the way my introduction. I am not a successor of pha pullae or supersuspense... If you ask for my name
i am bond, JAMES BOND

Our poor entrepreneur was completely taken aback by the latest development. He cursed those who send the mail and swore that he will never do anything for the class thereafter. While I knew clearly who was or infact were behind the mischief. One of the co-conspirator just forwarded the mail (as he always does with other information) and had no other role in the plot. The mail and the idea were actually concocted by another person. But the noble venture of helping people to take the Photostat ended there. The main culprit behind this premature demise is suspected to be behind the failure of so many flourishing businesses inside the class including one of mine wherein I helped womenfolk to reach their hostels (a clear act of chivalry. If I had done this in England, I would have been conferred with knighthood) safely. The villain in my case promptly informed all the boy friends of these girls who threatened to burn my bike if I continued with my venture forcing me to close the shop….