GUNTHROAT

Life is never gloomy when you are busy. I had learned this lesson during my stint in the placement cell. I make it a point to be busy whenever I am on a low. So when CAT was not smooth enough to give me confidence to even correct the paper, I decided to let myself wander. On Monday I went with Shobha kunjamma and Gopi chacha to Bangalore book festival. The main purpose was to buy some books for Gauri. It was a huge exhibition and I really wished I had a job so that I could swipe my ATM card without any feeling of regret. I decided not to buy anything and planned to come back on Wednesday. I heard a very bad news when I was inside the stall. I don’t want to discuss about it. Just want to say that God has gone to holidays in Swiss Alps and has lost touch with us. The return journey was eventful. There was a huge party gathering of JD(S) on palace grounds and the whole of Bangalore was held to ransom. It took almost 3 hours to reach home. It brought back memories of rallies done in marine drive by Karunakaran and Sons Pvt Ltd during the funny days of groupism in congress.
On Tuesday I went to British library and sat there for about 7 hours reading. I read some books on probability (one of my favourite subjects) in the beginning and later found a book on logic and borrowed it after reading for some time. I remember my cousin saying philosophy is one of the most interesting subjects, which can be used in the study of many other subjects. Logic is actually the first thing that is taught in philosophy. I also glanced through an essay against nuclear weapons by Arundhati Roy. She is an author whom I hate for no specific reason (maybe it is my male chauvinism that is working against her or is it the residues of right leaning?). But the essay was truly captivating. She is arrogant and impudent, the qualities that make me respect women. I hate women who are humble and shy. They don’t do any good to men. It is when men see truly competent women that we feel like improving ourselves and outwitting them as we are doing for ages.
Another interesting thing happened when I was searching net in the library. I found out those regular visitors from Santa Clara, California and Norwood, Massachusetts in the blogs of my friends were not videshis but deshis. When Vishal visits a blog the feedjit shows that the visitor is coming from Santa Clara (headquarters of intel) and when Nipun does the same it shows Norwood (HQ of AD). Anyway it was fun listening to the reactions of fellow bloggers who couldn’t conceal their shock of losing international viewership (that includes me).
After getting out of library I dropped down on the way to home at RT Nagar to see Lakshman. Poor chap he could buy me only a chat. Hope he will have the opportunity to treat me better next time.
Wednesday was the busiest day. Early morning I went to ISKCON temple. It was truly a superb experience tempting me to send a resume (which I didn’t) to the veritably international centre for marketing Indian Gods like the way we are marketing Yoga and Kamasutra. I decided not to be too judgemental about their motive. I simply fell in love with the structure and sheer size of the place. Professionalism was seen everywhere. Temple authorities back in Kerala can take a leaf out of the practices followed by these people. Then I took a bus to Palace grounds where I brought some charts and a book for Gauri. I also brought ‘Atlas Shrugged’ by Ayn Rand. Reaching home I had my lunch and then got off to Marathahalli, the new hang out for our gang.
Vishal has been planning to shift for a long time from his brother’s place and finally took an apartment near his office in Marathahalli. I went mainly to see my dear friends Ranees, Nipun and Vishal. I had a puff with Ranees and drink with Nipun after a long time. I really missed college when I saw them. Vishal gave me four books as a treat for getting into Intel. I am greatly pleased to see my little library growing. We talked for a long time. Nipun was a bit hesitant to talk in the beginning fearing my blogs but later when he got intoxicated words flowed from him as it always does.
On Thursday when everything got over and I was travelling back home through the boring outer ring road with scores and scores of IT parks and slums on both sides I thought of my life, its hopes, its whims, I thought of God (still abroad enjoying his vacation), his divine plans for me. I sensed life is not that bad. Life is rocking and complaining about it would be like getting angry about the low cooling AC when you are driving Mercedes Benz. Ya life rocks.........

Sometimes God grants your wishes in the same way you intended it to be, sometimes he delays it, and sometimes he plays pranks .There is a story of Narad the rishi asking God to make his face look like Hari (the god himself), but God making him look like a monkey. The reason He gave was Hari has multiple meanings, one almighty God and the other monkey (please note the people with the same name!!!). I am a victim of his pranks. Whenever I aboard a train the first thing I check is whether there is any young woman sitting near me. But in all these years I had to be content with M46s, F56s, and M25s. Recently when I was getting into train from Salem I prayed for an F20. But what I got was a bunch of Negroes (the worst part being they tried to evangelize me). But as I said earlier God is the worst prankster. When I went to write the CAT exam on Sunday (the last place I would mind having a distraction) I encountered his nastiest prank. The tables in the exam hall were pathetic and I was shivering even with my sweaters on. When the invigilator asked me to remove my sweater, I felt like killing him. But the worst part was yet to come. The seat beside me was vacant. Suddenly a very cute girl came inside the room. I virtually stood on my knees to pray never to make her sit beside me. But as it is said, man proposes, God disposes. She sat beside me. There are two disadvantages when a good looking girl sits beside you on an exam hall. One you get distracted and would be prone to lose focus (but thank god DI was too tough even to make me look at her) and two you can’t flirt in an exam hall (especially when it is CAT). So as usual nothing miraculous happened (both on amorous and academic fronts) and I got out 2.5 hours after the obnoxious ordeal. The next thing I did was run to forum to catch a movie.
I got a ticket for ‘vaaranam aayiram’ (see it for the music and first half) and much to my frustration Surya the protagonist in the movie meets his lady love Sameera sitting opposite to him in train. But the movie was really good in the first half. When Sameera(a university topper) says she is going to US to study MS for two years Surya, who also happens to be an engineering graduate asks her, is it the one (MS) that takes you 2 years to complete? She is career oriented and he is a quintessential vagabond. She still falls in love with him when he comes all the way to US for his love towards her. She accepts him for all his drawbacks (multiple backlogs and happy jolly attitude towards life). I thoroughly enjoyed the movie’s first half (don’t ask me about the second half). It brings back memories of an old friend who told me that she can’t love a person because he couldn’t solve aptitude questions as fast as she could and she can’t even think of settling with a man inferior to her in academics. When will these women break the glass ceiling???

And thus the long wait is coming to an end. Tomorrow is the day all have been waiting eagerly. In less than 24 hours I will be on my way to JP Nagar where my CAT examination centre is. For the information of all my friends preparations are in full swing, I have almost completed reading Oscar Wilde’s ‘The Picture of Dorian Grey’. I am also reading Thomas Friedman’s new book ‘Hot, Flat and crowded’. As for DI, Quant and VA are concerned, I have lost hope. There are two types of people who can go to an exam hall with a calm mind, the ones who have studied everything and the ones who have studied nothing. No prize for guessing in which category I belong to.
Next week I may be going to thirupathi. It has been a long time since I have been there. On November 23rd there is IIFT entrance. After that I will most probably be leaving to Trivandrum. Before leaving I must go for the book fest, then I should go and see horse racing in the turf club (though I cannot bet on any horse, considering my pecuniary state), and finally I want to go to the ISKON temple.
Life in Bangalore was great; I will never repent for coming here and preparing. I enjoyed my life here. Daily calls from Vishal, Lakshman and my sister made sure that I never felt lonely. Shobha kunjamma and Gopi chacha made sure that my life was meaningful and productive. Where can you have an uncle who says not to sit at home reading and watching TV but to go out and warm your blood or atleast see some beautiful women. I love him more than ever before. When I came here he pushed me to go to gym. I survived amidst Hulk Hogans and Schwarzeneggers for two months after which I succumbed to the winter and discontinued. I had great fun in appu’s place sipping beer and whisky. I will be missing both my cousins vinu and appu. Trivandrum will be boring without Ranjith. The only solace will be Gauri my sweet little niece, I can see her learn to walk and talk till April. Bangalore I will be missing you very much. This year I parted with too many people. All the wonderful people in in kunjatukkara (in cochin), Ranjith, all my college mates. Then I came to this mega city and hoped that leaving it won’t be as painful as leaving Cochin. But now I understand I loved Bangalore as well, with its speed, vibrancy, celebrations. I could see glimpses of happiness even in the eyes of street urchins. Those eyes told me to move on, to enjoy every moment of my life to make sure that I never repent the past. Adios Bangalore, thank you for teaching me to live and never to complain.

I have yet again proved that I have the wonderful gift of screwing things up when I am in love.
The stage was again the unknown territory of yahoo messenger (why the hell she is not usin gtalk). I saw her online on orkut and signed into messenger. Could see jus two people online, she was one. The other was another girl whom I hate more than anything else in the world.
Said hi, she gave back a coloured heyy.
I said ‘’long time ‘’
She said “ya pretty long time’’
I had a strong resolve to make sure that this conversation would not end up like the previous ones (me: hi, she: hi, me:bye, she: bye). So I asked her hows life, she said it is great full of fun, then she asked me the same. What should I have said, I am living the most wretched life (yeah I know it is an overstatement). So I said its kinda borin didn’t take up any offers (diplomatic way of saying not even a single son of a swine called me), preparing for CAT (like I am gonna be in IIMA next year).
Then came the most important part, something to prolong the conversation so that I could work out a chemistry between us. I thought for a while, then....... asked
Me: hey are u comin for the technopreneur, it is the annual seminar conducted by mec?
She: wat is it?
Me: Kiran bedi and shashi tharoor is comin, u know it is conducted by yi. Yi is actually the junior wing of CII- the conf of Indian industries. You must come (wtf wtf wtf....................................)
I felt so impotent, so lacking originality, so devoid of virility that I thought of committing suicide on that spot. I knew it is futile to talk to her anymore. If some girl had talked to me like that I would have definitely blocked her. She was so nice in atleast sayin she wud try to come. I signed out.
Later back in home I called Hari and told the story to him. He tried to console me. He went and looked at her new pictures and told she is not worth the pain. But I never fell for her beauty. She is the girl whom I want every girl to be, so full of energy, so devoid of pretension, such women are rare. They are endangered. She is my first love. I felt the strange sensation of love for the first time in my life when I saw her. I have never been in love after that. I know it is frivolous to hold on to your first love, especially when she is so unreachable and I have presented myself before her as nothing but a boring and least happening person of late.
The funniest thing about the whole exercise was that I felt so conscious of my inherent inability of engaging women in a conversation (let alone making her interested). I am cursed to be deprived of true love, more importantly I am cursed to watch it from gallery (sometimes as a referee, sometimes as a coach, sometimes a cheer leader,sometimes a mere spectator). Yet another feather on my crown of glory.....

Three marriages, yes you heard it right three marriages have been either fixed or consummated within a span of 5 months after we left our college. No one thought things could happen this fast. An atmosphere of gloom is in the air, which can be best captured in the words of my dear friend Ranees who says ‘’njammalu mathram ingane aayi poyallo”. I want to share some of thoughts of my friends who have reacted very caustically to this political expedience, some of their pranks in this season of marriages
1. Lock the scraps ur being watched
In a clear case of intrusion into the private realm, an insomniac is doing constant surveillance in the scrap books of the newly betrothed. He is taking screen shots of spicy exchanges between the couple in waiting and sending them to gossip hungry lunatics across the country. A recent case of breach of privacy has brought into the forefront even the honeymoon plans of these poor couples.
2 Prepare for the assault of devdas
Some of them are terribly disappointed at the apparent lack of solidarity to the elopement cause. They believe these women who have decided to marry in the conventional way have openly betrayed the cause of love and rebellion. Thus they have empowered other women to follow their suit and go with the wind. These flag bearers of rebellious romance have decided to protest to this lack of interest to the noble cause by deciding to ‘’eat till death’’ in the forthcoming marriages. So to the kind of attention of wedding planners keep enough food or else these lunatics may eat out the marriage.

3 On other developments, a sycophant who was reported to have assisted one of the women in the good old days of love and adventure is reportedly ill presumably as a shock to the latest developments and has been admitted in a hospital.

4 A induvidual in Bangalore have claimed that 2 of the women who are gonna be married had serious crush on him. As there are serious questions being raised at the sanity of this person the author doesn't want to divulge more information on the issue or take sides on the veracity of his statements.

PS: the author strongly denies any relation between his applying for a passport and the emigration of his classmate to US after marriage as attributed by rogue elements. The author believes it as an intentional attempt to malign his stature and strongly admonishes these gossip mongers. If they carry on with their insidious designs to denigrate the image of author, let me make it very clear that he will have no option but to leave the country to Mexico or Canada (etha mone amerikkede aduthu....)...