GUNTHROAT

Never do something without weighing the consequences of it. I have innumerable experiences which have landed me in trouble because I didn’t think of the consequences, but still I haven’t learned. So this is the recent example of me landing in trouble for being utterly foolish in not foreseeing the trouble that could have followed. After writing about 21 blogs I told my sister to check my blog. My sister is a unique character, she is 9 years elder than me and sometimes behaves as if she is my mother. But that’s kind of ok with me, because she is the one person in my life whom I am truly inspired by. Whenever I am completely screwed up I think of her and then console myself thinking my sister succeeded in life after being in an even pathetic situation, why should I be afraid then? So coming back to story, I expected her to read and possibly comment on the blog. Instead she sends me a 4 page email, saying I am out of my mind and have gone completely pessimistic. For the record reaffirm to the fact I am an optimist and still have a lot of hope about life, but all I wanted to convey through my blog was once upon a time there lived a person named Ayyappadas who hit the rock bottom of his life at the age of 22. I never said I would remain at bottom and think of digging deep for gold. I still believe this is a bad patch in my life which would pass like all other patches and things would be normal again. I have been through similar periods in my life and have come out of it unscathed (if not victorious). But my sister thought I was depressed and had lost hope. If she had thought and sat quietly it would have been ok, but she took some print outs of my blog and took it home to show my parents. Next scene was something similar to a war movie, where, mother and sometimes father calls son in war front and tells him not to be afraid and give lectures on how to be positive and confident(as if I was fighting for life, I was actually sleeping). I believe everyone including me who asks for advice and says he/she has lost hope does that to get attention from people. These people feels some kind of insecurity when they have encountered failure and thinks that the world would disown him and forget, so he creates an aura of panic and vulnerability so that people would crowd around to console. This consolation is not a relief but an assurance that these people are there when I am in real trouble. I am unequivocally making it clear that I am not sad. I am happy, I am having fun. I am enjoying Bangalore, I am learning new things. If I was in a job I would have never thought about what I was lacking. I would have never known who my real friends were. I would have never in my life been so insecure. Everything till date in my life has been given on a silver plate. Not even once in my life did my parents put me in pressure. My father wanted me to be a doctor, but he didn’t complain when I took engineering. I was enjoying life and am enjoying it now as well. I am reading everything that I hoped to master one day. It’s only my conscience that questions me for my actions. And I think I know how to make my conscience happy.