GUNTHROAT

I have yet again proved that I have the wonderful gift of screwing things up when I am in love.
The stage was again the unknown territory of yahoo messenger (why the hell she is not usin gtalk). I saw her online on orkut and signed into messenger. Could see jus two people online, she was one. The other was another girl whom I hate more than anything else in the world.
Said hi, she gave back a coloured heyy.
I said ‘’long time ‘’
She said “ya pretty long time’’
I had a strong resolve to make sure that this conversation would not end up like the previous ones (me: hi, she: hi, me:bye, she: bye). So I asked her hows life, she said it is great full of fun, then she asked me the same. What should I have said, I am living the most wretched life (yeah I know it is an overstatement). So I said its kinda borin didn’t take up any offers (diplomatic way of saying not even a single son of a swine called me), preparing for CAT (like I am gonna be in IIMA next year).
Then came the most important part, something to prolong the conversation so that I could work out a chemistry between us. I thought for a while, then....... asked
Me: hey are u comin for the technopreneur, it is the annual seminar conducted by mec?
She: wat is it?
Me: Kiran bedi and shashi tharoor is comin, u know it is conducted by yi. Yi is actually the junior wing of CII- the conf of Indian industries. You must come (wtf wtf wtf....................................)
I felt so impotent, so lacking originality, so devoid of virility that I thought of committing suicide on that spot. I knew it is futile to talk to her anymore. If some girl had talked to me like that I would have definitely blocked her. She was so nice in atleast sayin she wud try to come. I signed out.
Later back in home I called Hari and told the story to him. He tried to console me. He went and looked at her new pictures and told she is not worth the pain. But I never fell for her beauty. She is the girl whom I want every girl to be, so full of energy, so devoid of pretension, such women are rare. They are endangered. She is my first love. I felt the strange sensation of love for the first time in my life when I saw her. I have never been in love after that. I know it is frivolous to hold on to your first love, especially when she is so unreachable and I have presented myself before her as nothing but a boring and least happening person of late.
The funniest thing about the whole exercise was that I felt so conscious of my inherent inability of engaging women in a conversation (let alone making her interested). I am cursed to be deprived of true love, more importantly I am cursed to watch it from gallery (sometimes as a referee, sometimes as a coach, sometimes a cheer leader,sometimes a mere spectator). Yet another feather on my crown of glory.....