GUNTHROAT

Some may have heard about the practice of muttaruckal in temples in north kerala. For those who don’t, it is a ritual that is done before the deity wherein a coconut is broken by the chief priest on a rock. If the coconut splits exactly into two pieces of same dimension, it is considered as a good sign. Normally the priests who are experts in the process (honed by practice) seldom misses the bull’s eye. But in rare cases the coconut gets broken before you like the world that has been breaking before you for 1 year (irregular and abnormal). When the scene repeats not once but twice (mutually independent events, what are the odds??) you start thinking, the whole divinity is conspiring against you. These are moments when you are so confounded by the magnanimity of the event that you stop thinking rationally. Sometimes I think it would have been better if I could convince myself about the non existence of a supernatural force guiding my life. But I am unable to do that, I know there is a God (my guardian angel, sort of selfish just for me) and He is not helping me. Actually He is irritating me (not punishing). I used to converse with God like a friend, sometimes when I feel lonely driving my bike on a rainy day. But these days the conversations are becoming more formal. I pay obeisance to him when I pass by a temple just for the sake of it (because it is a habit), not because I feel like doing so. HE is merely somebody who was my friend, not anymore, someone whose latest manifestations are always for doing you harm. It is not like I have become an atheist, but it is worse than that. It is not because of one sign (in the form of that crazy coconut splitting, I know these are superstitions) but the atmosphere of hostility from top is hard to ignore.