GUNTHROAT

After some serious introspection I have come to the conclusion that, I am being a coward in not writing what is happening with my life for the past 6 months. I am sure there will be atleast one thing in this blog that will be unknown to my regular readers.

So let me start with the most painful exercise of writing down an account of the harrowing first half of 2009, I had. It all started with a dismal 1500th rank in JMET in the beginning of January. I hoped that I would get a better rank and the result obviously irritated me. If I thought that was the worst it can get, a lot more was in the offing. I could virtually see my metamorphosis into an object of disgrace to everyone around me. I started to hate everything around me, everyone who loved and cared for me. Sometimes I would pick up a fight with completely childish things with my father. I started getting offended easily especially in conversations with my sister. I didn’t have the guts to talk to gopi chacha who took care of me like a son during my days in Bangalore. I failed him completely and that made me hate myself more than anything else.

Then I applied for civil services and didn’t get the acknowledgement card for my application. So I thought my application somehow got rejected and started the dreamless slumber which continues till date. Mindtree had given me the joining date as April 13th but they extended it to October with reduced salary. Then I thought CTS would call me but they too gave me a distant December 28th as the joining date. After Mindtree fiasco Lakshman convinced me to take up a partime job in Time. Half heartedly I decided to go for it.

The first interview in Time was on February 14th the Valentine’s Day. I reached Ernakulam, but the person supposed to interview me was having a meeting till noon. So nowhere to go I went to the marine drive and started reading a book. It was the longest 4 hours of my life. Finally I was called well past noon and was interviewed. The head of time centre told me to come and take a mock class later that week. Around the same time I had a big fight with one of my family members pertaining to an appointment that I missed for the planning of my cousin’s marriage. So with a really troubled mind I took a mock class in Time and I was relieved when I heard that I got the assignment as a part time faculty. Lakshaman insisted on telling it to my parents and I hesitatingly allowed it which later proved to be a big mistake. From that day started my long wait for a call from a Time. But they never called. Lakshman had also asked whether I was willing to take Maths for engg entrance. I told him I have forgotten all the 12th standard maths and I would like to talk to the concerned faculty before reaching a decision. Quite surprisingly the entrance wallahs called me and told me to come over. After 5 mock classes (they called it procedure) and orientation sessions (which inspired me whether to apply for call centres rather than attending maths classes), I was given a schedule of sessions I had to take. One and a half months I taught and positively hated teaching something which was retrogressive for my career. The only silver lining was the pay cheque (actually a decent amount because I had 5 day weeks and was paid per hour in a 6 hour workday). Finally when I got the cheque, I ran to the bank to cash it. It was going to be the best moment in 2009. But bad luck stuck again when I found that it was a crossed cheque and the money could be taken only through my account. The only account I had was in Trivandrum, a joint account with my father in district treasury. The most inefficient bank in the whole financial world took exactly 24 days to process my cheque and let me smell my first salary. If that wasn’t enough the classes in time ended after Kerala entrance and I was unemployed again. When I came back my sister convinced me to study something and joined CCDS for civil service coaching the same place which I was planning to join exactly one year ago and decided not to because of my ‘tentative’ joining dates.

Asha told me to do some certification course and I joined SCJP programme again after 2 years and nearly 6000 already spend. SCJP brings back memories of times spent in KR bakes and Shawarma places under the pretext of learning java. Finally the six of us who joined the course unanimously decided to discontinue it after it was proven that we were too busy with enjoying our college days to attend classes every day. I had to pay for the course this time because I felt it was absolutely deplorable for even a monster like me to ask my father to pay for the same course twice. I know that my friends will call me and mock me the moment they see this post. But all I have to say in my defence is my situation demands all that is remotely necessary to fetch me a job. I would have laughed if I was asked to do a course like this 1 year ago, but I really don’t remember the old me.

So in the morning from 6 30 I sit in classes of perverted narcissists (with few exceptions) bragging on and on about their knowledge and vision of life. Then I go to a centre to learn java from a squinted woman who it seems was my worst enemy in my previous life. She caters a bag full of prejudice towards me and I hate her with the same intensity that she hates me. I am impressed by my tenacity which helped me survive 20 days under her debilitating presence. But I expect a bitter showdown in the near future.

So that is pretty much my life now. At this moment I would like to thank my family (especially Asha), two of my all time friends Hari and Lakshman for being there and never hurting me. Also the only happy moments in 2009 were sreejith chettan's marriage and the fun I had with my cousins after it. I don’t know how I would have managed without these great people. Looking back I see myself lucky to have friends who are there for me when I need them most. There will be 100 men to say cheers to you but there will be only a few to bring a cheer on your face.