GUNTHROAT

I have yet again proved that I have the wonderful gift of screwing things up when I am in love.
The stage was again the unknown territory of yahoo messenger (why the hell she is not usin gtalk). I saw her online on orkut and signed into messenger. Could see jus two people online, she was one. The other was another girl whom I hate more than anything else in the world.
Said hi, she gave back a coloured heyy.
I said ‘’long time ‘’
She said “ya pretty long time’’
I had a strong resolve to make sure that this conversation would not end up like the previous ones (me: hi, she: hi, me:bye, she: bye). So I asked her hows life, she said it is great full of fun, then she asked me the same. What should I have said, I am living the most wretched life (yeah I know it is an overstatement). So I said its kinda borin didn’t take up any offers (diplomatic way of saying not even a single son of a swine called me), preparing for CAT (like I am gonna be in IIMA next year).
Then came the most important part, something to prolong the conversation so that I could work out a chemistry between us. I thought for a while, then....... asked
Me: hey are u comin for the technopreneur, it is the annual seminar conducted by mec?
She: wat is it?
Me: Kiran bedi and shashi tharoor is comin, u know it is conducted by yi. Yi is actually the junior wing of CII- the conf of Indian industries. You must come (wtf wtf wtf....................................)
I felt so impotent, so lacking originality, so devoid of virility that I thought of committing suicide on that spot. I knew it is futile to talk to her anymore. If some girl had talked to me like that I would have definitely blocked her. She was so nice in atleast sayin she wud try to come. I signed out.
Later back in home I called Hari and told the story to him. He tried to console me. He went and looked at her new pictures and told she is not worth the pain. But I never fell for her beauty. She is the girl whom I want every girl to be, so full of energy, so devoid of pretension, such women are rare. They are endangered. She is my first love. I felt the strange sensation of love for the first time in my life when I saw her. I have never been in love after that. I know it is frivolous to hold on to your first love, especially when she is so unreachable and I have presented myself before her as nothing but a boring and least happening person of late.
The funniest thing about the whole exercise was that I felt so conscious of my inherent inability of engaging women in a conversation (let alone making her interested). I am cursed to be deprived of true love, more importantly I am cursed to watch it from gallery (sometimes as a referee, sometimes as a coach, sometimes a cheer leader,sometimes a mere spectator). Yet another feather on my crown of glory.....

Three marriages, yes you heard it right three marriages have been either fixed or consummated within a span of 5 months after we left our college. No one thought things could happen this fast. An atmosphere of gloom is in the air, which can be best captured in the words of my dear friend Ranees who says ‘’njammalu mathram ingane aayi poyallo”. I want to share some of thoughts of my friends who have reacted very caustically to this political expedience, some of their pranks in this season of marriages
1. Lock the scraps ur being watched
In a clear case of intrusion into the private realm, an insomniac is doing constant surveillance in the scrap books of the newly betrothed. He is taking screen shots of spicy exchanges between the couple in waiting and sending them to gossip hungry lunatics across the country. A recent case of breach of privacy has brought into the forefront even the honeymoon plans of these poor couples.
2 Prepare for the assault of devdas
Some of them are terribly disappointed at the apparent lack of solidarity to the elopement cause. They believe these women who have decided to marry in the conventional way have openly betrayed the cause of love and rebellion. Thus they have empowered other women to follow their suit and go with the wind. These flag bearers of rebellious romance have decided to protest to this lack of interest to the noble cause by deciding to ‘’eat till death’’ in the forthcoming marriages. So to the kind of attention of wedding planners keep enough food or else these lunatics may eat out the marriage.

3 On other developments, a sycophant who was reported to have assisted one of the women in the good old days of love and adventure is reportedly ill presumably as a shock to the latest developments and has been admitted in a hospital.

4 A induvidual in Bangalore have claimed that 2 of the women who are gonna be married had serious crush on him. As there are serious questions being raised at the sanity of this person the author doesn't want to divulge more information on the issue or take sides on the veracity of his statements.

PS: the author strongly denies any relation between his applying for a passport and the emigration of his classmate to US after marriage as attributed by rogue elements. The author believes it as an intentional attempt to malign his stature and strongly admonishes these gossip mongers. If they carry on with their insidious designs to denigrate the image of author, let me make it very clear that he will have no option but to leave the country to Mexico or Canada (etha mone amerikkede aduthu....)...