GUNTHROAT

Last week I received a copy of the book “Games Indians play” from a friend which happens to be one of the most thought provoking works I have read since Taleb. I love Probability Theories and may be that is the reason why I found it gripping.The pessimism, the author caters towards our society though disappoints us a lot is perfectly warranted given the abysmal state in which our country is in. The premise on which the book is built is known to all of us, but is brushed aside as a phase which we will pass once we as a country grow consistently GDPwise. We as a society “is” structurally flawed. The truth we ignore blissfully seeing the small flyovers and metro rails sprouting across our cities. The author uses the prisoner’s dilemma and game theory in analysing, how Indians behave collectively to a scenario. We aggressively pursue a selfish course, forgetting how damaging it is to our growth as a strong civilization which can flourish together abiding the “Rule of Law”.

I am not proceeding into a detailed analysis of the book which would do a disservice to someone looking forward to read it. Thanks Ais for “Games Indians Play”. You have always been bang on when it comes to things I would enjoy and despise. Month end blues prevents me from returning the gesture, but I wish you a Wonderful Lizard free Diwali. :P

I think it was Malcom Gladwell who espoused the theory of weak tie. A weak tie is the casual connections(not friends) you have with varying degree. Gladwell argues that the number of weak ties is directly responsible to your social success. I have always bemoaned my inability to remember names, faces and sometimes events. Recently a friend from school reminded me of a story I wrote when I was in 10th. Though I have a vague recollection of writing something, I am unable to remember what it was all about. The cornerstone of any fruitful relationship is your ability to store details. A friend of mine who claims to know all his 600 odd friends in face book first hand is an expert in weak ties. He still remembers the name of school kids with whom we attended a summit 3 years ago, whereas I find it hard to recollect the name of the runner for my travel agent in Aurangabad who claimed that he had been to Thodapada in Kerala(It took me 20 mins of Q&A to encrypt it to Thodupuzha). Even though we ended up having a smoke together, his name and face still eludes me. Same applies to the innumerable people I knew in Chennai(including a wonderful person who used to sell the sweetest tender coconut water for me because his mother was from Vadasserikkara close to Sabarimala). It is not simply about making friendship with absolute strangers, but about sustaining it through Facebook or Emails or Phone. It is also about a sound brain which can recreate the image of the person even after years of your last encounter.

Recently a colleague from Cognizant pinged me out of the blue. She used to be this quintessential sloth in those days. I used to start at 6 O clock in the morning and would wait for her to come at 10 o clock, so that I can pass the mantle and go for my breakfast. The princess would arrive at 10 and directly head to the ladies room. It would take normally 30 to 40 minutes for her to come out and I used to wonder what transpired inside. Finally out of sheer frustration I asked another friend from a different team to check what she did in the ladies room all the time. And yes my doubt was not unfounded. The lady was varnishing her face with all the Nerolacs and Apex Ultimas to weather the gruelling work of the sweat shop. Over that she used to take leave citing strange reasons like, “Yesterday my cousin committed suicide, so her parents wants to transfer her assets to my name. Today is the registration”, “A thief broke into my house and stabbed me on the chest and you know what the news came in yesterday’s Hindu” and this is my persona favourite “Das... Das... there are some rashes on my face, I cannot come today”. So I was slightly caught off guard when she said Hi after a long time. After the normal chit chat, she asked me whether I still have pimples on my face. Once I said yes, she asked for my number and called me. I was shocked because, she is in Washington doing her PG. She said that she is studying Dermatology in a Skin Clinic there along with her PG and would like to help me with pimples. I was waiting for my boss to get his ass off his seat (which will happen only after he checks all that goddamn travel sites) so that I could lock and leave the office. So I pictured her as the guardian angel that was making amends for all the breakfasts she made me skip with one shot solutions to my pimple trouble in the long term and sheer boredom in the short term. She took some notes on the type of skin condition I have and told me that she would get back to me once I sent her some photos and previous prescriptions. I decided then and there that it would be better to ignore further advances as telemedicine would not be a good idea for my skin. But after 2 days I got a detailed mail about various products of her Clinic. The cheapest was just $48!

The incident actually opened my eyes on how bad I am in utilising or even knowing my weak ties. Here was a girl, whom I thought was dumb, selling a product to a guy whom she hardly knew, by remembering that he had pimples. This utilitarian approach to friendship is something which I avoid because I find a moral dilemma in that. I believe friendship or its fuel love, should be independent of reasons, with no strings attached. You cannot befriend a person expecting something from him/her and that is where my conception of weak ties falls apart. A friend called me on my Birthday and wished me without a notification from Facebook. When I asked her how she remembered, she replied, “That is You and Me”. I was simply bowled over by that surprising gesture. But the painful part is I don’t remember her birthday. So I have reconciled to the fact that I am not the kind of person who will have a lot of weak ties. Social success will be elusive and facebook would make matters worse by accentuating my laziness to travel the extra mile. Thus I bid adieu to all networks and circles for the time being to reflect on what kind of strange species I belong to. Maybe time would bring me back, but then it would be a different network, different circle and most importantly a different person.